Befriending Demons and Dragons
"Perhaps all the dragons of our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us once, beautiful
and brave. Perhaps everything terrible is in its deepest being something that needs our love."
Rainer Maria Rilke
Let’s talk about demons and dragons. What are the dragons in your life? Who are the
demons? We all have parts of ourselves that we are not proud of. How do we deal with these
parts? Do we challenge our demons, shun them, or embrace them? Do we slay our dragons or
do they slay us?
Maybe what seem like demons are repressed feelings or exiled parts of ourselves. We all have
a part or parts of us that we imprison. This part could be a wounded inner child, or angry
feelings, or a shameful memory. We hide those unwanted feelings or parts in a dark place.
Unfortunately, the darker the dungeon, the angrier or more lonely or more ashamed they
become. The spurned feelings get stronger. Once we get to know them, however, they don’t
seem so threatening. If we attend to them, talk to them, they calm down and stop yelling. We
can open the door, let them out, and find that they can actually be quite civil after a nice tea-time
chat.
Maybe these feelings or parts are like histamine. Histamine helps our bodies fight off pathogens
like cold viruses, causing us to feel sick. Our noses run, we develop a fever, we feel run down.
We don’t like the histamine, the mucus in our nose, the fever, but they are our helpers. Similarly,
our inner critic tries to protect us by criticizing us. He or she may believe that criticism prevents
us from getting into trouble; if we feel shame about an act, we will probably refrain. How about
our inner child? He or she may throw a tantrum, wanting attention, rest, or love. Our Shadow is
another part of us that feels like a threat. But when we shun our Shadow, we project it onto
others and lose a potentially valuable part of ourselves.
Our immune system, our Shadow, our inner child, our critic; all may make us feel sick, but it it a
love-sickness; the phlegm, the criticism, the walling off don’t feel good, but they are our body’s
and psyche’s attempt to heal or protect us. So perhaps what seem like demons and dragons are
hexed princes. When we embrace our inner critic, tend to our wounded inner child, love each
part of ourselves, the demons, like the kissed frog, become princes.
What happened to the term “psycho-somatic? For some reason it is no longer common
parlance. What does the term mean? In popular usage, the term implied that the ailment
referred to was “all in ‘your’ head.” The roots of the term are the Greek words psyche which
means mind, and somato which means body; therefore a true translation would be mindbody.
A psychosomatic disorder, for instance, can be described as “a disease which involves both mind
and body.”
1 I’m glad the term is not used in a derogatory way anymore, but I wonder why it’s
rarely used at all. Perhaps we have retired the term because research has confirmed the
mind/body connection.
Can an ailment be “all in your head?” Let’s think about it. Is there a part of the body that is not
affected by our thoughts and feelings? Test anxiety may bring on sweaty palms. Chronic
emotional stress can cause adrenal fatigue. Imagining hamburgers stimulates salivary glands.
Depressed feelings can translate into slumped posture and fatigue. And researchers have
discovered that even our DNA can be affected by emotions. “According to the new insights of
behavioral epigenetics, traumatic experiences in our past, or in our recent ancestors’ past,
leave molecular scars adhering to our DNA.”
2 So trauma, and the resulting emotions, can
change molecules.
Does this have implications for psychotherapy? As a body-centered psychotherapist and
integrative healer, I’d like to propose that the best psychotherapy is embodied psychotherapy.
Since emotions can have physical expressions, and since our bodies dialogue with our psyches,
it makes sense for client and psychotherapist to tune into the body. Client and therapist can
better understand and heal if we notice sensations in our bodies. Tuning in to our bodies helps
us to access information below the level of consciousness. In the words of Candice Pert, “...the
deepest oldest messages are stored and must be accessed through the body. Your body is your
unconscious mind, and you can't heal it by talk alone”
3 By tuning in to the tension in your
shoulders, you may realize that you feel the “weight of the world” and need to delegate
responsibilities. By noticing a subtle pain in your jaw you may take account of the repressed
anger towards your spouse. Your neck muscles may be tight for fear you’ll “lose your head.” You
may be weak in the knees, dizzy with love, or live with a “pain in the neck.” Your hip may hurt
because you feel “out of joint.” The body speaks in telling symbols. It behooves us to listen.
We are psycho-somatic beings -- and to me that means it’s not all in our heads. It’s also in our
hips and our necks and our backs and our shoulders....
1 https://patient.info/health/psychosomatic-disorders)
2 http://discovermagazine.com/2013/may/13-grandmas-experiences-leave-epigenetic-mark-on-your-genes 3 Pert, C. B. (1997). Molecules of emotions. New York, NY: Scribner.